pissed.

i feel like i have so much to get off my chest but i wouldnt know where to start. this long distance relationship is proving to be so much harder than i first anticipated. i knew that it would never be easy but fuck, i feel so alone in this. i mean in theory we're a couple because thats what we've labeled it but we're not a couple. couples do things together, they kiss, they cuddle, they protect one another in times of need. well i mean thats how i've always percieved two people in a 'relationship' to interact with each other. me and matt text, skype ocassionally, i call him but i never get many phone calls back? this is not a relationship. its so conflicting in my head because i love this guy, i spent so long persuing him now that i have him.. well.. i dont have him? how is that fair. he seems to be happy in this and thats what pisses me off even more! he's happy with this 'relationship'. well im not. thats the brutal honest truth. i love having my own space, i love being able to do my own thing, i never wanted us to live in each others pockets but this is ridiculous. im not the kind of girl who is extra soppy and needs a man in her life to be able to cope. i just want him in my life, i want to be able to touch him, feel his warmth. he's currently miles away and every day that goes by i just see what we have falling apart. how bad is that!? im constantly worrying in my head, what is there ever going to be for us? is this it? are we forever going to be this long
distance couple? because realisticly i dont think i can handle that. 
OH FUCK. 
why are things never fucking simple fuck fucking fuck. raging.